Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
