I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
