So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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