We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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