I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
