you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How external is "for external use only"?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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