I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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