hotel room ftw
My room smells like vodka and shame
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
