i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
