My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
