Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
being pregnant is like rehab
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
