this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize