Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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