Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
