WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
