My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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