we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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