3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
