i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
