im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
