DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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