i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize