I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
