Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
