dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
