i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
