Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this just has baby written all over it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
