I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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