dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
