I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Mom said you looked used
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
