did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
