hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
