nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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