wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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