Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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