Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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