I'm jealous of your bromance
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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