Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
