i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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