woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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