Me. At least after what I've been through.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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