On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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