i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
