Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
