you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
