I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
