I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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