If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
