So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
