haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
