Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
