Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
