totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
