dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
