I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
