I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
