if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
