Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
