the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize