On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
