Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is Oprah even human
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
