This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We are two peas in an std pod
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
