I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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