I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
