you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
