he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
