Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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