my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
