I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you win again, gameday.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
