And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
