she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
