she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
