Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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