Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
