that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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