Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
