dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
