Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
where are my eyebrows?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
