I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
