I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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