White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
