i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize